I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
