I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
