The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
this beer tastes like vomit already
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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