I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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