Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
