Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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