his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
