omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
