Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
