It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
