I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
