My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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