you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
