i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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