just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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