i need an iv and a liver transplant
and you said cock pushups were impossible
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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