I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
