Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize