you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
