Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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