we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
