Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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