Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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