You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
