I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
