A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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