hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
