My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
