I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
