yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
