maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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