Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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