just come out here and I will go home with you...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
