How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
