It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
