he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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