Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
