I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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