He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
