Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
