'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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