I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize