Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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