Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
