WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
