Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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