If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize