Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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