Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
