We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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