what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize