We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
