i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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