then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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