At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
soo... how was my night?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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