when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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