I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
