The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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