remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
