I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
