My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
