He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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