Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I know her cup size but not her name....
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
