she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
