at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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