girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
