At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
