they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
