Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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