Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
