I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Houston, we have a blender
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
