We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
youre lurking in front of me
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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